So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
