either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
