I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize