I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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