Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
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The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
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You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?