You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do