I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell