I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
