Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
