i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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