did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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