Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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