u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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