very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
