and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
