I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
