If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
