What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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