if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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