She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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