some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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