Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
