I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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