No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
