Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
