u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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