We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
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Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
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You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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