Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
They took my balls.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
