I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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