My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
