My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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