I'd wear matching sweaters with you
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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