And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
