come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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