On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
