The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
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yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
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So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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