Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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