im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
