Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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