I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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