Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Found the puke drawer
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize