like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
