he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
