so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
