You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
