I skipped work to stalk him.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
home. puking in laundry basket.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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