dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
