No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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