you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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