I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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