Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
