Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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