I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
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