I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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