there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
