He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
