The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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