she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
