Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
