i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
