I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
