I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
